Remembrance Sunday!

 

I, like many Veterans, prepared myself for the act of remembering the fallen by polishing my shoes and medal and getting the rest of my kit ready on the Saturday before.

I was proud to have been given the privilege of representing the Rheindahlen Branch of the Royal British Legion, at the British Ceremony of Remembrance in the Commonwealth War Graves Cemetery in Reichswald! The British Senior National Representative, Group Captain RJ Niven, at the NATO Combined Air Operations Centre had asked for a representative who was also to recite the Kohima Epitaph during the Ceremony! 

As there were many Royal Pioneers buried in this cemetery I also took a Wreath given me by the RPC Association to lay in their honour. 

As I had never been to the Reichswald before I was up early and a good thing too, as the first thing I was called upon to do was scrape the ice off of all my car’s windows! 

My NAVI, as we say here in Germany, took me to the Reichswald via The Netherlands. The address I had was that the cemetery was on the Grünewald Straße and when I got to it I turned the wrong way and drove away from the cemetery. I quickly realised my error and turned round and soon found it. 

There was quite a gathering of Nations at the cemetery as one might expect. In fact all NATO Nations were represented including Poland a relatively new member State. 

I made myself known to Group Captain Niven and the Parade Sergeant Major. I was asked to lay the RPC Wreath in the third wave of wreath layers which included the local German Civil Dignatories and to lay the RBL Wreath last! 

The Wreath Layers were lined up about 20 metres from the Memorial Stone, so it was quite a Walk of honour to lay my two wreaths. 

The sun shone and there was frost on the ground. There were no microphones or means of projecting ones voice other than that learned on Army Parades. It was difficult to hear the voice of the RAF Chaplin who had come out especially from the UK, or the other actors in the ceremony! 

Consequently when it came to my turn to recite the Kohima Epitaph I put on my best parade ground voice and recited it as loud as I could!

“When you go home, tell them of us and say, 

for your tomorrow, we gave our today!”

After the ceremony I visited a number of the graves.

This man is the grandfather of fellow Pioneer Kevin Kittel!

Next year I shall make sure I take a number of the small RBL wooden crosses to mark the graves I visit!

This is how far away I stood during the ceremony and the distance I had to march twice to lay my wreaths!

Guests had been invited to a light lunch in the UK Community Centre following the ceremony and so I now went there. It was in a converted Military Quarter on what had once clearly been the Patch when the RAF had had a large presence in Germany.

Here I was able to have a conversation with the Chaplin Rev Craig Lancaster, who thanked me for my part, so I must presume my voice carried! 

I told the organisers that I would return next year to represent the Royal Pioneer Corps and if possible bring a second person to represent the Rheindahlen Branch of the Royal British Legion! 

My NAVI took me home this time not going via the Netherlands! 

And He saw that it was good.

Some times we find the technology a bit too difficult for us bears. Some of the above photos were transfered from the camera to the phone and then to the iPad. So none of them are in the order they  were taken. Dawn on the second day is at the bottom. The bridge is in St Jean Pied du Port and we crossed it to get on the Camino outside of town.

The first picture shows the weather as we climbed up the mountain on the first day. It was cold and cloudy but thankfully it did not rain.

It was a steep climb to our first hostel in Orisson. The second picture shows the view of the hostel and the view of the mountains.

We slept  in a room with three sets of bunk beds, so six humans, two were from Australia and three from the USA.

Alan showered and washed his clothes then sat and waited for the evening meal, talking to the two nice young Aussies.

The humans all sat at long tables for the evening meal which was served at 18:30hrs. It was a three course meal with much red wine and water as they wanted to drink. Then after the meal they all had to introduce themselves and say why they were there. Alan enjoyed it and it was a great introduction to the camaraderie of the Camino.

In the night Alan got up once to look at the stars which were very bright, and of course we were all a whole lot closer to them.

The next morning the dawn was fabulous as you can see from the last photo.

After a light breakfast of coffee and toast we set off at 08:00hrs to climb the rest of the mountain. Though it was sunny it was quite cold as there was a stiff North wind. But the views were terrific.

Alan took a number of panorama pictures as we got higher and he was so taken with the views he was reminded of a passage from Genises Chapter 1 verse 31, and God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

The world certainly looked good from up high. There was snow on the mountain in places and after the picture of us all at the cross, we crossed the ridge and went down the other side into Spain.

There were many large piles of snow along the way.

The climb Alan, says was much like the Miner's Track on Snowdon and he was thankful of his walking poles, particularly on the down hill side into Roncesvalles. The silly bugger took the really steep path which they had said we should not use! It would have been impossible without the poles.

In the monastery of Roncesvalles we were pleasantly surprised at how modern the accommodation was. Again we had the lower bunk, but this time there were cubicles of four along one side of a long corridor which led to the ablutions. We shared ours, with a German, a young woman from Maine and an English Chaplin! Alan enjoyed talking to him.

They went together on a guided tour of the monastery at 18:00hrs were late for the meal at 19:00hrs, but punctual for the mass in the medieval church at 20:00hrs. Alan said he did not understand a word of it as it was all in Spanish, with three very ancient monks/priests who officiated. Alan was, however, easily able to follow the ritual as it is the same everywhere. He took communion and then all the pilgrims were asked to come to the alter to receive the blessing. As he stood there deep in prayer and thought, his mind was centered on Hanna and he said when the blessing came he felt a tremendous sense of joy which almost made him cry!

It as off to bed then and he slept through till 05:30hrs when most people stirred. Today, Saturday 25 April we walked a more leisurely walk through the hills to Zubiri. It was up hill and down dale, but not anything as steep or as hard as the first two days.

We now have another bunk bed in a larger room with about 14 bed spaces and it is all unisex including the ablutions. There is a Brazilian couple in the next bunk bed to us. We have not met the person who is occupying the top bunk, but that's because we are sitting in the reading room writing to you lot.

Our meal will be at 19:00hrs and breakfast is at 07:00hrs. We shall be a early to bed tonight too. 

Buen Camino!

What to do with the rest of my life?

When you loose someone close to you, you are also reminded of your own mortality. If I keep myself fit and baring accidents I estimate I have a good 10-15 years of travel time left in me before I need to go into a care home. I am not being morbid, but trying to be realistic so I can have a plan and not just drift through the rest of my life. I also need to have a firm plan for the end of my life as there is no one who will care for me as I cared for Hanna, and I certainly do not want Hanna's daughters wiping my bottom nor even my own sons. But the least said about them the better. A home is the answer and I will try and find a suitable 2 or 3, since when I make that last leap there also needs to be a vacancy. But that's in the future, what about now.

Well I've decided to go back to my roots. I am the son of an infantry soldier and I was an infantry soldier too. As a youth I loved the out doors and walking and camping. As a subaltern I was also a mountaineering instructor and loved climbing. I would have continued doing that, but after one short expedition in my own time, the wife at the time said, "me or the mountains"  and foolishly I threw my boots into the corner, instead of packing my gear and heading for the hills. Being realistic I am now too old to go climbing, but not walking. If I can combine walking with ancient rubble and foreign lands then that is a bonus.

What immediately sprung to mind with this idea was of course the St James' Pilgrims way to Santiago de Compostela! But there are many other paths too. Hadrian's Wall for example. Well the first thing I did then was to go out and buy myself a new pair of hiking boots. I also bought a guide book on the St James' Pilgrims Way. 

This afternoon I put the new boots on, strung a pack on my back and out I went. As I left the house the very first thought that hit me was, it felt so right, the years rolled off me and it was as if I was 45 years younger. "I can do this," said I, I feel young, fit and energetic! Well I am none of those things really, but the feeling of having a good pair of boots on my feet and a pack on my back did really transport me back in time. It felt so natural. 

I walked to Hanna's resting place and chatted with her about my idea. She might have called me "crazy" again, but I think she would be supportive. My Dad would be leaping for joy and saying, "go for it" as he wanted to do just that in New Zealand when he retired, but my mother wouldn't let him even try. 

I spent 3 and half hours walking in what amounts to the wilderness here the other side of the cemetery towards Viersen. I gave the boots a good workout. Took them up and down steep inclines, through mud and wet grass, over stony ground and sandy soil. I broke trails through chest high nettles and brambles. And what pleased me most I was alone. I love solitude and the peace of the woods. I got as close as 2 metres before the Hare took off. I could also have rescued a damsel in distress. She had let her bike fall over in the woods and the rear mud guard was bent so badly it was touching the wheel, but sadly I did not have my Leatherman tool with me and my fingers were not strong enough on their own.

I returned to the cemetery in the pouring rain which let up as I got there. After checking with Hanna I came home to a shower and tea, feeling tired, a little sore round the ankles as I have not worn boots for the last  23 years, but the feet were fine. 

So I have a plan. It starts with getting fit enough to walk 25 km per day with a pack on my back. Then we will see where these boots take me. They were made for walking after all and as we all know a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step. I have taken that step today.

Hanna Part 10

This morning I went for my fitness bike ride and stopped by the grave on the way back. We had a little chat, I shed a few tears, admired the flowers and was pleased the candle was still burning. 

After my breakfast I began to get out of my lethargy which descended on me 16 days ago now. At first I succeeded. I started a new regime of changing beds on a Friday, which was the norm when Hanna came to stay in Verden and Hameln. It was only over the last few years where she came on a Sunday, so that was the bed changing day.

As I cleaned, I needless to say, came across various cards she has given me. Reading them again stopped me in my tracks and instead of cleaning I indulged myself in fond memories of a shared life. Many of these cards dot my bookshelves and here is one I can share with you. 

The card was written for our anniversary of meeting, the day after her 75th Birthday in 2012.

One stag is saying to the other,

 "All women are somehow..." 

and the other replies, 

" not real men!"

Inside the card she wrote,

"75 red roses! You are crazy!

23 of them indicate 23 years of a relationship which has so far survived all the difficulties. 

One reason for this is that you are still unpredictable + crazy.

That means I'm not dying of boredom!

Happy Anniversary.

I love you.

Hanna"

And I love her still.

Hanna Part 8

Hanna on her Birthday 2012

The funeral was yesterday. I survived. 

I arrived at the church early and at the same time as Hanna's coffin so had plenty of time to sit alone with her and God. I watched the florist place the flowers on the coffin and the various wreaths around it. Pictures of these will be added to this blog as and when I get them, from the friends that took pictures for me. 

Her daughters were responsible for the arrangements and for dealing with the Catholic priest who took the service, and I have to say they did a good job of it and Hanna would have been pleased. The words to the hymns they chose were appropriate and in at least one case moved me to tears. However, I cannot get used to the German Church music and the manner in which they sing the hymns. I have been an Anglican Choir member, man and boy so am well versed in the Anglican way of doing things. It is almost Catholic like too. But that's just me, as Hanna would tell you, I can be quite pedantic at times and strive for 200% perfection. Generally I fail, but thanks to Hanna's bad influence and with age I am learning to live with it.

As the coffin left the Church a beautiful instrumental version of, "I did it my way" was played and I could feel Hanna smiling, for this is just what she wanted and how she lived her life.

At the cemetery I met the Jazz musicians from a group called "The Old Market Stompers" that Hanna so loved. They were to play suitable blues music during the procession and after the formal ceremony of committing the body to the earth had taken place. They were fantastic and again Hanna would not have kept still, but would have been swinging with the music.

When it came to me to place something in the grave and say farewell, I threw the rose you see on top of the coffin. To the rose I had tied the 3rd key to the lock I had left on the Weser bridge and an Ushebti,  a fuinery figurine used in Ancient Egypt. Hanna and I loved Egypt and had visited the country together 5 times. She had even been there 3 times before we met. So I think she would have smiled as I gave her an Ancient Egyptian servant to tend to her needs in the after live. Not very Christian I know, but it is the symbolism of placing something Egyptian in her grave that appealed to my romantic nature, for we loved the country and had many wonderful adventures there.

I was pleased that many friends had found the way and the time  to share Hanna's last journey, but was disappointed when some did not come to the Hotel where we went for refreshments after. I had been looking forward to talking to many of them, since some I had not seen for a bit, and some of Hanna's friends I did not even know well and had wanted to get to know them better.

Nevertheless I did speak to and sit with the majority of guests that came, especially those from Hameln and their show of support gave me strength to cope with the day, but especially did honour to Hanna's memory.

I visited the grave this morning and lit a candle for Hanna. She would have liked the many flowers and so many friends were generous and have given me money to place flowers on her grave when those above are gone. Eventually when the earth has settled and the grave takes its normal form, I rather fancy having a little seat there so I can sit and chat. Whatever, it is a place that I shall visit often and not just as most Germans on the official All Souls Day.

All the above 7 photos of the funeral and the procession were kindly taken by Lothar Eimanns.

Hanna Part 2

SHOPPING AND LOSS

Today as almost every Friday for the last 11 years I have gone shopping with Hanna. When she could no longer go shopping herself, she would send me an email and I would get her stuff too. Then when she could no longer send emails I would go and write the shopping list for and with her, and later still I would write it myself. Either way at the end of the day we would sit together and eat our evening meal and chat into the night or watch TV until it was time for me to go home.

As I entered the supermarket car park where we would normally shop, it hit me in the face like a wet fish. She was gone. I need not shop for her, or try and think of meals I wanted to cook for her when she came to visit, or later meals I cooked for her at her home. I was now all alone in the world, had no one to cook for anymore. I suddenly felt all alone and found it hard to continue. What was the point of it all.

When I got home and began to unpack my shopping the door bell rang. It was Natalie, at 40 on the 24 July, Hanna’s youngest daughter. She said I have something to show you. So up she came and showed me a small bunch of dried flowers she had found in Hanna’s bedroom! It had a label on it from 1990. Now you have to know that in Hanna’s first Will written in 1992 she stated that she wanted the many dried baccarat roses, which were the flowers I had given her over time, to be placed in her coffin as they meant so much to her! Sadly as she herself stated in the last Codicil to her Will, these had fallen to the passage of time and no longer existed.

First Flowers after 5 months separation 1990

Natalie asked if she could put these flowers in her coffin instead. Needless to say I gave her a hug and said of course as I knew exactly what the bunch she found represented  for me and Hanna.

In 1990 I was stationed in Bielefeld as a Staff Officer in HQ 1 (BR) Corps and living in a flat in the centre of town. Although Hanna and I had recently become lovers I did not want a permanent relationship, I was not ready. Instead I started an affair with an American soprano in the Bielefeld Opera Company. Nor did I keep it a quiet affair I told Hanna what I was doing and why. The affair did not survive the first Gulf War, as the lady was not best pleased when on my Birthday I came home late due to some crisis or other at the front.

This taught me another valuable lesson in life and when I realised I was foolish and Hanna WAS the woman for me, I just got in my car with the said fresh flowers and drove down to Mönchengladbach. It was a surprise for her when she saw me, but she knew how I felt without saying or asking anything. She just took me by the hand and straight upstairs to bed. The rest as the say is history and this was when the spark became the all consuming fire.

When Natalie left I wept a little. I wept for the pain I had caused Hanna, I wept for the love and forgiveness Hanna showed me and I wept for the joy of the love we shared.