30 July 2015

Some Post Camino thoughts!

It is one year to the day, that Hanna died. (30 July 2014) You cannot wipe out 25 years, three months and six days of relationship in the twinkling of an eye, but the Camino has taken my grief and mourning away. You could also say that I had laid my grief at the foot of the Saviour and or Saint, which is also true.

I don't believe in coincidences. There is always a reason for these events. I met many nice people on the Camino and some of them have become new friends for life. In their own way they helped me over my grief and loss. Some of these friends shared their own loss with me. Was this a coincidence, or were we sent to meet and help each other? I shared much of my life and adventures with Hanna, with Lisa, as we walked. I only hope I didn't bore her. Either way she is a true gentlewoman for she never complained. These conversations helped me to come to terms with my loss and in the end enabled me to think of Hanna without tears or too much sorrow.

I have kept in contact with these new friends and others I have met along the Way. One did admit to me that he had fallen in a bit of a hole after the Camino and had found it difficult to take up his old life again. I understood this, as it had taken me almost five years to settle after my circumnavigation. I had gone to England after the Camino, to visit friends and comrades before returning home, so did not fall into any hole. But neither have I any intention of just picking up where I had left off. 

I have not learnt anything new about myself on the Camino. I knew who I was and what I am capable of, before I set off. There are some who did not believe I would make it all the way to Santiago, but would give up before, for one reason or another. 

Since returning early to Germany and my home, I have started to get rid of stuff that cluttered up my home and my life. Six full large bin bags of suits and clothes and three large sacks of paper, the contents of old files and correspondence. This is only the tip of the iceberg I need to dispose of, but it is a start and will be a continual process from now on, so that when the time comes for me to move into a care home, the move will be easy to perform.

I have tried to get Hanna's family round my dinner table, but it has been easier getting 12 friends to come than  three couples together. We are unlikely to meet before Christmas now.

I went to pay my respects, to Hanna this morning and while sitting there, was "chatted up" by a widow woman. Not unattractive, for her age I have to say, and we had a very pleasant conversation. She had even walked two Caminos, she said! Was this a coincidence on this day of all days? She was clearly lonely and would like to have someone to care for again!!!!! So she said.............. I no longer have  a need to go daily to the grave, so it will be interesting to find out if I ever see her again!

There is a passage in the film, "The Way" where the son says to his father, "you don't choose a life, you live one"! Well this is what I am doing. Catch me if you can!

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